I’ve been questioning myself a lot lately.. In multiple ways..
There’s the typical:
"Am i good enough?"
But lately there has also been some less than typical ones for me..
"Am i putting others too far ahead of myself?"
-I always thought that that was the right thing to do, put another’s thoughts and feelings before your own.. make sure their needs are met if you have enough. But lately I’ve been questioning that and I’m not sure why.. i mean, i know i love and care about people but lately ive just felt very selfish and like i need to take care of me before anyone else.. even my significant other and pets. Which i know is wrong but i cant help it. I feel it though, my dogs hate me and so does my girlfriend.. thats the worst.. i treat her like poop and dont realize it and then feel terrible remorse afterwards… but she doesnt believe im sorry.. she doesnt want to be with me. She doesnt feel safe, happy, or like we have a life worth living anymore.. is all of that true?
Am i unsafe?
Do i make people unhappy?
Is my life no longer worth living because of how i am?
I cant wrap my brain around things sometimes. I know i need to change and get help and figure this stuff out.. but how?
God? I believe and pray and fight these intense battles of selfishness and selflessness and it seems im not going anywhere down that path.. maybe its because its fake? Unreal and a control thing like she says…
Im not to sure anymore.